A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. "Also," says the director, "you must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time. "There's one last requirement," the director continues; "you must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"
Two dogs were sitting in a vet's office. The bigger of the dogs gruffs, "Whatcha doing here?" The little dog responds, "I'm getting 'fixed'. Whenever I see my mistress I get so horny I just jump on her leg and start pumping. It's very embarrassing." The first dog says, "Yeah, I know what you mean. One morning my mistress had just got out of the shower, and was sitting on the side of the bed. She leaned down to pick up her clothes from the floor, and I couldn't resist it... I jumped up and starting taking her from the rear!" The second dog exclaimed, "Wow! So you're here to be fixed too?" "Hell no, I'm getting de-clawed."
