In North Ireland a Protestant man married a Catholic woman.  After their marriage he decided to covert to the Catholic church. So he went to the preist and took instructions and was later baptized Catholic.
      
      He had one problem however.  He couldn't get it into his skull that he was a Catholic man, and no longer a Protestant.  This became such a problem that he returned to the priest and asked for some advice. The priest told him that if he was to repeat the phrase "I'm a Catholic, not a Protestant" enough times the idea might penetrate his thick skull. 
      
      The man left mumbling to himself, "I'm a Catholic, not a Protestant. I'm a Catholic, not a Protestant." The next Friday the priest decided to visit the newlyweds.  He knocked on the door and was greeted by the wife.  When he stepped in, he smelled something that should not be in a Catholic's home on a Friday.  He asked the wife where her husband was, and she replied that he was in the kitchen.
      
      The priest walked into the kitchen and saw the man pouring thick brown gravy on a thick hunk of roast beef.  Agast, the priest was about to explode when he heard the man mumble,
      
      "You're a trout, not a cow. You're a trout, not a cow."

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