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Employer Speak: what they say and what they mean by itEntry level position: You'll be making minimum wage. Entry level position in an up-and-coming company: You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year. Profit sharing plan: Once it's shared between the higher-ups, there won't be a profit. Competitive salary: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. Join our fast-paced company: We have no time to train you; you'll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers. Nationally recognized leader: Inc. Magazine wrote us up a few years ago, but we haven't done anything innovative since. Immediate opening: The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad. Casual work atmosphere: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up, although a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. Competitive environment: We have a lot of turnover. Must be deadline oriented: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. Some overtime required: Some time each night and some time each weekend. Flexible hours: Work 40 hours; get paid for 25. Must have an eye for detail: We have no quality control. College degree preferred: Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like Philosophy, English or Social Work. Career minded: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). Apply in person: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. No phone calls please: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. Problem solving skills a must: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Requires team leadership skills: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
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