Strategic responses to the ever dangerous "Do I look Fat" question:

"No, not to Stevie Wonder."

"No babe, your not fat, your fluffy."

"Does this tie make me look stupid?"

"No hablo ingles."

"If I answer that question, my life will be in danger."

"Let me jog around to your front and take a look."

"No, honey. But just to be safe, steer clear of one-legged sea captains."

"May I consult a lawyer before answering that?"

"Look at your belt size honey, if it says 'equator' on the tag you know the answer."

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