Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...

* Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
* She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."
* Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.
* Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
* Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
* Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
* Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
* Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.
* Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
* She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
* Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.
* Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
* Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.
* Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
* Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.
* Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!
* Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".
* Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
* Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.
* You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
* Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.
* Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.

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