How To Deal With Telemarketers

** Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.

** Make up your own language. Speak it.

** Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"

** Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.

** Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "

** Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.

** Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."

** Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.

** Communicate only through Morse code.

** Try to sell the telemarketer something.

** Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.

** Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.

** Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.

** Make him/her sing to get a sale.

** Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."

** Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.

** Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

** Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.

** After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.

** Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.