Top 10 Ways To Tell You Are A New Dad

10) Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.

9) The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds normal.

8) You are used to doing everything one-handed.

7) The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one.

6) The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to zero.

5) Your idea of romance is handholding.

4) You answer the question "How are you?" with "We're fine."

3) You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt's main color.

2) You see a slender teenage girl walking down your street, and you think, "Hey, I wonder if I could interest her in...babysitting?"

And the #1 way to tell that you're a new dad:
1) It takes you two months to write and send out a simple Top-10-style joke email.