Give me you hat,or else I will kill you!

  Make sure your chimney is ready tonight or else you will not receive you gift.

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?Their middle name.

What do you call a cow murder mystery?A moo-done-it.

What looks like an elephant and is dangerous?An elephant with a machine gun!

How do you get a hippopotamus in a mini-van?Kick one of the elephants out.

What do you call a lonely fisherman?A Master-Baiter.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.He slides up to the bar and says:"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Why did the turtle Cross the road?To get to the ''Shell'' station!

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's...

On a nightly stroll a blonde came across an office building. A sign said "Press bell for Watchman." She presses it and hears an old man coming down the stairs. He turns on the light,...

After many years of marriage, a husband turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter...

Two blonds decided to go shopping. A few hours later they come out and the first blond realizes that she has locked her keys in the car, so they spent a few hours pacing around the car trying to...

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The...

A blonde was riding her brand new, VERY expensive, mustang convertible, when she saw her brunette friend. She thought that this was her chance to brag about it, so she drove over to her. The...

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?Your job still sucks after 6 months.

How do a blonde's brain cells die?Alone.

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear ?A: Data transfer.

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said,"Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.""Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter...

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."