A man walked into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder.The barman asked whats the lizard was called,to which the man replied "Tiny"."Why did u call him that?" asked the barman."Because, he's my newt!!"

A man walks into a bar swinging a set of jumper leads above his head.The barman looks over and says"You're not going to start anything in here, mate!"

A man, a cat, and an ostrich walk into a bar. They sit down and the man offers to buy a round of beer."Sure," says the cat,"That'd be nice but you know I'm not buying you one in return.""Fine,"...

A guy goes up to a girl in bar and asks, "You want to play "Magic"?"She says, "What's that?"The guy answers, "We go to my house and screw, and then you disappear."

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and...

Judi spotted Jon across a crowded room at a convention in Las Vegas. Easing up next to him, Judi asked Jon if he would like to join her for a drink."I don't know," said Jon. "I've got a wife and...

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?One less drunk.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?A different bar.

A man goes into a pub, takes a seat at the bar, and orders five shots. The bartender gives him an odd look since he’s all by himself, but he serves up the five shots and lines them...

Phil had just joined a club after his friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time). They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled "21" and there was a small...

A duck went into a bar and asked for some crackers. The waiter said no. The next day he came into the bar and asked for crackers again. The waiter said no, again. The next day he came in again and...

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff.The first guy says to the other guys"You know, if had just one more beer, I reckon I could fly."The second guy says "No Way!"So the first guy orders a...

Horse walks into a bar, orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables, and starts reading his paper.The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse,...

One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender.The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to...

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual."Happy Birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says...

She said: Wat do you mean by coming home half drunk?He said: It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

A man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He looks down the bar and sees another piss drunk man keep falling off his stool. The man finishes his drink watching the other man try to get back up on...

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer.After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for...

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and...

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me two beers."The bartender obliges him. The guy looks into his wallet and says,"Give me two more beers."So the bartender gives him two more beers.The...