A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink.The bartender says,"No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it.""You're right," the guy says."I don't have any money, but if I show you...

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman"Give me six double vodkas." The barman says"Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.""Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."The...

Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had...

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.Ernest Hemmingway Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me....

A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter and said "Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender on my tab."Every one got a drink and thanked the man. After a while he man said "Drinks, everybody...

One friend to another: Did you know that the shortest sentence in the English language is“I am.â�Really. What’s the longest sentence?“I...

Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says, "What are we going to...

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.He goes up to the guy's window and says,   "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."The...

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.3. Job interfering with your drinking.4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your...

After years of arguing over her husbands drinking problem, she finally warns him that she will leave him if comes home drunk one more time. The very next day, the husband has a really hard day of...

A man walks into a bar and sits down and orders a drink. He then notices a jar that is full of money. The man asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender then says that he has a donkey in...

Why do black widow spiders kill the males after mating?To stop the snoring before it starts.

A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other. The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender"if you give me a free bottle of beer I'll show you my dancing...

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.The first man then asks, "Where are you from?""I'm from Ireland," replies...

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.However, before the police...

A brain and two turds go into a pub.The Barman says to the brain,"I'm not serving you, get out!"The brain asks why and so the Barman replies,"Because you're out of your head and your two mates are...

A man walks into a pub, and approaches the bar. He orders a pint and looks down to see a bowl of peanuts on the counter. He decides to eat one, when he picks it up and goes to put it in his mouth...

Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said,"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm...

A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self-conscious...