A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.â�“How about that!â� he exclaimed....

A man walks into a bar and says,"Who the bloody hell put that there?"

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he...

There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the...

A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar and says to the barman "Pint of your best."While waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables.He goes up to him...

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub.The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home.The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to...

A man gdouble bourbonoes into a bar and orders double bourbon. He takes a sip of the drink and says to the bartender: "I shouldn’t be drinking this with what I’ve...

A little man is sitting in a bar when a big guy comes up and says here’s a punch from Japan the little man gets up and the big guy goes here’s a kick from Korea...

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our...

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks,"Why the long face?"

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours."The guy leaves. A few days later, the same guy...

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your best scotch."The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can."Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink,"...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls.He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him...

This guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.The bartender says, "Hey, what's that?"To which the frog replies "I don't know. It started as a wart on my bum and this happened."

In a greasy spoon, a downhearted diner asked the waitress for meatloaf and some kind words.She brought the meatloaf but didn’t say a thing. “Hey,â� he said,...

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender laughs and says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks at the bartender, with a look of extreme confusion on his face, and...

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks,"What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".

A fag walks into a straight bar.The bartender says,"Get out of here, I don't serve fags!"The fag asks,"Is it alright if I just sit in the corner?"The bartender accepts, and the fag sits in the...

A drunken man walked up to a parking meter and puts in some change. The meter goes up to sixty and he says, "Hey, I lost 100 pounds!"

A drunk was leaning against a lamppost staring up at a signboard and yelling, "It can't be done, it's too big! Another drunk staggered by and slurred, "What can't be done?" The other drunk...