A guy comes in to a bar and orders a double whiskey. He drinks it and looks in his pocket. Then he orders another one, drinks it and looks in his pocket again.This is repeated a dozen times...

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed...

A guy walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm and says,“I’d like a beer please, and one for the road.â�

A chicken walks into a bar.The bartender says, "We don't serve poultry!"The chicken says, "That's OK, I just want a drink."

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have...

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?â� he...

A guy walks into a bar carrying a duffel bag and sits down at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender notices the bag and asks the man,"What's in it?"The man opens the bag and takes out an 8-inch...

There were 2 men at a bar, the first man said to the other one, "I know a bridge where you can jump off and return safely." The other man who was shocked asked the man to show it to him. After they...

A guy goes into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had...

What is a Zebra?A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.

You so dumb, you go up to a cow and ask for 2%!

The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him.He drove around the neighborhood for...

You're so ugly, your mom has to tie a steak around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.

You're so fat that when you went to the zoo, the hippos got jealous.

How do you make a cat be a dog?Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'

Yo Mama is so fat, her ass has it's own congressman.

Yo' mama's so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven!

Yo' mama so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon!

Yo mama is so small that she plays handball on the curb.

Q: Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?A: Because if it had four it would be a sedan!