One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven...

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!Most cats are long and lean (or tiny...

Harry the Magician was performing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The pay was lousy, but the audience changed weekly, so he could do the same tricks over and over.There was just one problem: The...

One day, a young camel decided to ask his father some questions about growing up. "Daddy, why is it that we have humps on our backs?" "Well son, we have humps on our backs which contain fat to...

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say,"Jesus is watching you!"...

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter."That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it,"...

Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really ticked if it's...

Two campers where hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them.Both campers start running for their lives when one of them stops and starts to put on...

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store.He does a double take, as he notices that the saucer is extremely...

Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?A. Because he was pissed off!

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the...

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.The old explorer...

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked.The old man looked up over his newspaper...

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.The cat starts to...

Three cowboys were hanging out in a bar, discussing George W. Bush's visit to their ranch earlier that day."The funniest part," the first one said, "was when he kept trying to honk the cow's horns,...

What did the termite say when he walked into the bar?Where is the bar tender?

Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement?A: Hold a tupperware party!

One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up.“But why do we have to hurry?â� said one.“Can you read, you nut! It says,...

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet it's some...