Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died."You know," Mom said, "it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time...

What do you get if you breed a pitbull terrier with Lassie?A dog that will chew your arm off but then run for help!

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the...

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday.During the party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming...

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the...

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and the friend of a lonely Scotsman?Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" And the friend of a lonely Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod, get off my ewe!"

Q: What happens when Michael talks about sex?A: It's all very tongue in cheek.

Why do Mice have small balls?Because not many of them can dance.

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a trim before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.''I'm...

In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine, editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the following story:It seems the US Federal...

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold back alleys, where...

Getting Things Done Around Here Is Like Mating Elephants!1. It's Done At A High Level.2. It's Accomplished With A Great Deal Of Roaring AndScreaming.3. It Takes Two Years To Produce Results.

What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?The wrong answer.

Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?Because the kids have to play inside!

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.The trouble is that the guy who owns...

A man who worked in a cruise liner as a magician had a parrot and every time the man did a trick the parrot yelled, “it’s in the pocket,â�...

A man with a frog on his head walks into the doctor's office. The doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?" And the Frog replies, "Well doctor... it's this thing that's hanging from my...

A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile.The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire."The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."So the...

Why did God make men a little smarter than dogs?So they won't hump your leg at a cocktail party.

Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?A: You mean there IS a difference?