A man has a racehorse, never won a race.Man in disgust says,â� Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the...

Mama bear to Papa bear:"Well... You might call it hibernating -- I call it 'goofing off'."

Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?A: Whistle through his pecker.

A seven year old boy goes to the hospital with his grandmother to visit his grandfather.When they arrive, Johnny runs ahead of his granny, and bursts into his grandfather's room."Grandpa", the boy...

Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher.The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate.She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,'...

There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''The magician chased the...

What do you call a dog that hears voices?A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!

There are two cows in a field.One says to the other, ''So what do you think of mad cow disease?''The other replies, ''I dunno, I'm a chicken.''

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

What happened to the blind skunk?He fell in love with a fart.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?"Looks like rein dear"

Why do elephants have long trunks?Because sheep don't have strings.

What do you call a lonely fisherman?A Master-Baiter.

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit...

This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted.The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little S's painted all...

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?""My...

Mary had a little sheepWith this sheepShe went to sleepThe sheep turned out to be a ramAnd Mary had a little lamb.

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the...

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the...

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he''s dead.