Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex 50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo" 49. "That would work better the other way around. ." 48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?" 47. "Damn, that's...

John and Claire are just newly married. They are still a little shy about doing the "wild thing", so they decide to just refer to it as "washing the clothes". One night, Claire invites some of her...

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took...

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the...

An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks - "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir!" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire...

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale...

Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years... I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank...

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN...

Do you remember the Charlie Brown specials that taught valuable life lessons to a generation of kids? Well here are some new episodes: Peanuts specials for kids of the 90's: We learn about VD in:...

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. 3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced...

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an...

An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctor's only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate. 1.His Doctor...

There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the...

Excitable - Shorts half twisted around, can't find hole, rips shorts. Sociable - Joins friends and pisses whether he has to or not, figures it doesn't cost anything. Cross-eyed - Looks...

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally...

Dave and Jim were out deer hunting. Dave was pretty new to this whole deer hunting thing, so Jim had told him all about a clean kill, and field dressing, etc. Well, after an afternoon up in the...

There were these two guys who played golf together frequently. The one guy was several strokes better than the other guy, but the lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any...

One mid-afternoon on a sunny day, a golfer teed up his ball. After a few practice swings, he steps up to his ball and gets ready to drive the first hole. Just before he swings, a woman...

A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play one hole at Pebble Beach, California the way the pros do it. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the green that is...

A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them...