The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon." "Uh...

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?" The doctor replies, "try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in...

An angry wife met her elderly husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there's a very good reason for you're waltzing in at...

An elderly businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what do you want me to do with your...

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He...

A flood was on its way, forcing everyone to evacuate. The police rowed up to the most pious woman in town and said, "Ma'am, you have to leave this house! People are dying out here!" The woman...

The minister of a well-attended, strong, and enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able to deal with any situation that might come up. One Sunday, just as the minister was reaching...

My daughter-in-law, Alma, and grandson, Eddy, were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother. "No, honey, he won't do...

Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars Acura NSX - I am impotent Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires...

AUDI - Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BUICK - Big, Ugly, Import Car Killer CHEVROLET - Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques CHEVROLET - Can Hear...

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign appeared that read "Low bridge ahead." Before he knew it the bridge was right ahead of him, and he couldn't avoid getting stuck under the...

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10 speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no further. He...

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the highway. The man asks 'If I drive 100 mph, will you take off your clothes?' and she agrees. So the man drives 100 mph and his girlfriend strips. The...

Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam,who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You...

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the...

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the...

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind...

Her car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to...

One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel,...

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin...