An application was for employment; a program was a TV show; a cursor used profanity; a keyboard was a piano.Memory was something you lost with age; a CD was a bank account; a hard drive was a long...

The difference between computers and people?With computers, software goes into hardware.

How does a UNIX expert have sex?Unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep.

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.MCI...

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere.One of the three men says,"I have an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our...

The best part about computers is that they make very fast, specific mistakes.

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to.2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.3) I will get dressed before noon.4) I...

New customer to Tech Support:“It says, hit any key and when I do that nothing happens'.Tech Support: Can you try again and tell me what happens?Customer:'Tried but...

You know computers have taken over your life when...You hum the Windows opening theme when ever you wake upYou think the numbers on tombstones are high scoresYou use Google to search for your car...

1. Open a new file in your PC.2. Name it "Housework."3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"6....

How can you tell if you have been spending too much time at home on the Internet?Your spouse emails you a message saying dinner is ready and she/he uses the address"Your spouse@home.com." 

1. Home is where you hang your @.2. The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.5....

How many software programmers does it take to change a light bulb?None. "We'll document it in the manual."

Overheard: Bill Gates talking with one of his financial advisor's...Bill says,"You did what with my 150 million dollars? I said Snapple, not Apple!"

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.2. You haven't played patience with real cards in years.3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.4. You e-mail your work...

Mr. R.B. Jones applied for a position with the government and was accepted.On his first day the personnel dept processed his records.When asked what the R.B. stood for he informed the clerk that...

If Restaurants Functioned Like ...Patron: Waiter!Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support.Waiter. What seems to be the problem?Patron: There's a fly in my soup!Waiter: Try again, maybe...

1. Describe your problem:__________________________________________ 2. Now, describe the problem accurately:__________________________________________ 3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the...

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when....1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.2....

A software expert claims:“My software never has bugs -- it just develops random features.â�