1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.  2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you. 3....

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with...

The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the...

A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight." He says, "Why's that?" She says, "Because you've been eating grass for...

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and...

1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand. 2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!" 3. Come dressed in a suit....

A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them...

There was a blonde driving a ferrari. A cop pulls her over for speeding, the cop asks," can I see your license and registration please!" The blonde responds, "license and registration what is...

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor. Doctor: What was your dream about? Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire! Doctor: (giggles quitely)...

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference." The bartender is skeptical and decides to...

An Irish drunk is driving through Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?" "I've been to the...

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken into his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out However, before...

A man was sitting in a bar located on the top of the Empire State Building, when rugged man walked in and said, "bartender, give me a Jack Daniels." The bartender slid him a shot and the rugged man...

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What'll you have?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy...

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests,the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest was...

A man was sitting at a bar listening to a pianist playing the most beautiful music he had ever heard, but when he turned to watch the pianist play, he was no where in sight. Puzzled, the man...

10) Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege. 9) The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds normal. 8) You are used to doing everything one-handed. 7) The...

1.  Are you Andy or Barney? 2.  Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 3.  I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police...

I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. I used to come here all the time with my ex. I never said you NEED a nose job. I...