The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus...

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas, Eve ! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve ! What do you have in December...

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the...

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.) 2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume,...

There were these two children of color trying to decide what to get dressed as to go trick-or-treating for Halloween. Finally the oldest one, Robert, turned to his sister Francine and said, "I...

1. Every year you get a brand new crop to choose from. 2. No matter what your mood is, pumpkins are always ready to greet you with a smile. 3. One usually makes a better pie. 4. They are always...

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7....

College Dictionary CAFETERIA: From 2 Latin words, "cafe" meaning place to eat and "teria" meaning to wretch. MAJOR: Area of study that no longer interest you. STUDENT ATHLETE: See...

Three students, a student from Tennessee, a student from Alabama, and a student from Auburn are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will...

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her. "I am going to...

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here...

A guy goes inside the confessionary and says: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What did you do, my son?" "Yesterday I was walking along the beach at night, and I decided to explore a...

A Sarajevo man goes to confession and says, "Father I have done a terrible thing, please, I need me absolution." "What have you done that is so terrible in this terrible place?" the priest...

The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession. "So me and my cousin were alone in the house," she continued, "and went up to my bedroom..." "Go on, my child," said the priest gently....

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman for the last three weekends." Father Donavon asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, 'tis I." ...

A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and have an IQ of 165, and I'd like to make a donation." The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a private room....

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!" The...

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. ''Well, I played in the sandbox,'' she said. The teacher said, ''If you can spell sand, I'll give you a...

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" ...

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy." "Well,"...