George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan. The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides:...

A 70-year-old Texas Rancher got his hand caught in a gate while working cattle. He wrapped the hand in his bandana and drove his pickup to the doctor. While suturing the laceration, the doctor...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite... Why do witches use brooms to fly on? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy... How do witches keep their hair in place...

When the AirForce 1 prepares to land, the Captain speaks over the intercom: "The seatbelt sign is on Mr. President, would you please put the stewardess in the upright position."

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"...

1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings. 2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed. 2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup. 3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods. 3:15...

* Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls. * Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes. * Owner of the course must...

There was this basically-good man who died and appeared before St. Peter at the Holy Gates. St. Peter checks out his books and discovers that there is a problem. He says that there is no clear...

There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl.  He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed.  His...

The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it. He came at his blind side and got him from behind. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow! It's a game of inches. That hole...

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes...

Coin Toss = Asking them out Kickoff = Holding hands 1st Down = Kissing 2nd Down = Up the shirt 3rd Down = Down south 4th Down = Oral action Touchdown = Shaggin' Victory Dance...

Mrs. Wilson appeared before the judge in a divorce action. "How old are you?" asked the judge. "Thirty-five," said Mrs. Wilson. The judge noted her greying hair and wrinkled cheeks. "May I see your...

After 30 years of marriage, a husband said he wanted a divorce. His wife was stunned. "But Will," she pleaded, "how could you want to divorce me after all we've been through together? Remember how...

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need...

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her,...

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He...

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've...

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is...

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The...