A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband...

1. You can GET chocolate. 2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4. You can safely have chocolate while you are...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up...

The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see...

1. You can enjoy beer all month long. 2. Beer stains wash out. 3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer. 4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football....

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think...

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. Wedding...

Women's English: Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want = You'll pay...

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As...

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I...

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex." "But you...

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a...

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I...

On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament. "Sir, she said, "You...

A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life. "Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife...

Bill met Ralph one day after work at the local drinking establishment. "Did you hear that my exclusive golf club fined me $50 for hitting my wife Sally with a 9-iron?" moaned Bill. Ralph...

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have...

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.  A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION You...

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. "Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and...

1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed! 2. Be thankful your computer isn't down! 3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn't down! 4. Be thankful you don't have The Good Times virus! 5. Be...