A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.  ...

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to...

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish.A man was walking by and said, "WOW!! What a nice Gauddam Fish!" The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain."...

01. -You've got a hole in your head. 02. -Your master strangles you all the time. 03. -Your head is smaller than the rest of you 04. -You shrink in cold water. 05. -You never get a haircut....

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin. What?" said the puzzled groom. "How...

One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that...

A man was speeding, going about 95 mph down the highway, when he was pulled over by the state police. The Statie, being in a good mood for once, decided to give the guy a break, if the driver...

A very happy duck walks into a bar. Barman: Why are you so happy? Duck1: Its been raining, its been great, I've been in and out of puddles all day. A second happy duck walks into a bar Barman:...

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY ~~~~~ DAY 180 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am- OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY...

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. "See if they fit." "They don't." "Now you see who will wear the pants in this...

A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. ''Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.'' ''Tell all of your sins, my daughter.'' ''Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend...

A nun is talking with her Mother Superior. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the Mother Superior....

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. "Why are you crying?" asked the little boy. "I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger,"...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60,perhaps your radar...

An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German "airfield," constructed with meticulous care, was made almost...

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest. To prove his point,...

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a...

A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in battle. Waking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his bedside. "So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?" ...

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied,...

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said "Kramer, your grandmother died." The soldier fell apart....