This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of...

The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits PLUS $10,000 for every inch...

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me." Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old...

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank. A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils gotta...

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front...

There were three stranded men walking down a sandy beach on a deserted island. They walk a little ways and find a magic lamp. So they decide since they are stranded that they might as well rub it....

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player...

A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible. "Well," she said. "The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could...

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God... "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After...

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her...

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a...

Worst Analogies Written By High Schoolers He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes...

A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female." This confuses the little...

Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his girlfriend some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin'...

One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mom, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you're on top of each other ?" His mother...

A farmer is sitting on the front porch of his house one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. "Hey kid!?the farmer says, "Where ya goin? with...

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son. After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit...

Little Johnny is walking with his father in the park and they see two dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny not understanding what the dogs are doing asks his father, "Daddy, what are...