Boy : "Mom, who made the moon?"Mother : "God made the moon." Boy : "Well then, who made the stars?"Mother : "God made the stars too." Boy : "And, who made the trees?"Mother : "God made the trees,...

Caller: Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand.Caller: On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax...

Sam, the owner of a small business, hired a consultant to critique his company's operations. The consultant gave Sam some bad news. "Your sales group is too large. You need to get rid of one of...

The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher."Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language.Where did you hear it?""My daddy said it." he responded."Well, that doesn't matter,"...

On a visit to the library I happened to notice a man and a woman, both deaf, signing with intense gestures, apparently in a heated debate. The man said something, and the woman seemed upset. She...

A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags! I won the lottery!" The husband says,...

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were."I'm so tough", said the first boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week"."Well", said the second little boy, "I'm so tough, I...

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his...

Customer: I have problems printing in red...Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.After she insisted, he...

Harry Truman, when he was U.S President, once addressed  the Washington Garden Club and kept referring to 'good  manure' that must be used on flowers.Some society ladies ...

God made man and then rested.God made women and then no one rested

A young boy decided he wanted to make some extra money, so he ask his Uncle Joe if he could work on his farm.Uncle Joe wasn't sure the boy could handle the hard work on a farm, but decided to give...

Practical English for Travellers Some 'genuine' translations from around the world...Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN...

A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat...

An old man and his wife were listening to their favorite radio evangelist, who promised, "With God's incredible powers behind me, I can heal anything! Place one hand on the radio and the other on...

As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.One day I had three beginners in the car,...

Bobby's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Bobby to recite a sentence with a direct object.Bobby stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, everybody thinks you are...

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!