Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Q. How do you get a hippie to stop rolling joints?A. Cut off his fingers.

One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces.When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget...

Observing a light across the water, the captain had his signalman instruct the other vessel to change her course ten degrees south.The response was prompt:Change your course ten degrees north.""I...

Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and the Abbott said,"Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do...

Clark Gable and the Pope died on the same day.  Due to a celestial bureaucratic snafu, the Pope was sent to hell.  And Clark Gable went to heaven.The Pope, obviously in the wrong...

A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son...

A man goes into an ice cream parlor and says, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."The girl behind the counter says, "I'm very sorry, Sir, but our delivery truck broke down this...

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period."Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I...

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a 'Charm Course' was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant."Remain seated in the truck...

Officer: "sergeant, do you have change for a dollar?"Sergeant: "sure, buddy."Officer: "that's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, sergeant, do you have change for a...

An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows...

Hopefully, the price of new cars has peaked.Good thing too. I mean most dealers have a showroom and a recovery room as it is.For an auto mechanic, frustration is having a pound of grease on both...

"Stewardess""Yes, Sir?""I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.""Captain,...

Every year, thousands of Americans are introduced to the sport of camping. There are many approaches to it. "Car camping," for example, is where the camp is within 20 feet of the car, and a portion...

A man in Manchester, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to Leeds, and started working south from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking...

Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

There was a man who died and went to Heaven.  When he got there, he noticed clocks all over the place, just ticking away.  So he asked St. Peter, "What are all those clocks for?"St....

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog.Concerned the boys might be hurting...

MessageA woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:a half-gallon of 2% milk,a carton of eggs,a quart of orange juice,a head of romaine lettuce,a 2 lb. can of coffee,and a 1 lb....