Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?A: Several children have fingered him.

Q: Why doesn't Michael have orgasms?A: The big payoff comes a couple of months later.

Q: Where's Michael going on holiday?A: He's off to Tampa with the kids.

Q. How did Michael get in trouble?A. He was feeling a little Randy.

Q: How is Michael dealing with his problems?A: He's holding his own.

Q: Why's Michael cutting down on public appearances?A: He wants to spend more time with the kids.

Q: What does Michael call an orgy?A: A fruit salad.

Q: Why has Michael been appearing on children's shows lately?A: He has a lot to plug.

Q: What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?A: "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"

Q. What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?A. Michael's been able to have kids.

Q: How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?A: It was just a slip of the tongue.

Did you hear that Princess Diana was suffering from PMS? Pulverised Mercedes Syndrome.

I've heard they are changing the name of Mercedes to Mercedes straights, because they don't benz very well.

Why is a Mercedes like a squid? They've both got Di in them when they're opened.

What did Prince Charles say when he heard about the automobile accident? Well, that's the way the Mercedes BENZ.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Porsche? Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porsche! Or... ... a BMW... a Lada... etc.

What's the difference between a Mercedes 600 and a can of spam? They give you a key to get the meat out a can of spam.

Why didnt the airbag on the Merc function properly? It was strapped into a safety belt in the back seat.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?A: They both come in tots.