Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?A. Paul Lynde: "Make him bark."

Q. Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

What did the paparazzi do with the little bits of Di's body before the pigs arrived?Made a pizza and took pictures of it!

Q: Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house?A: He's like the little boy he never had.

Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Lorena Bobbit for celebrity fun?A: "SILLY Bobbit! Dicks are for KIDS!"

Q: What's black and white and comes in little cans?A: Michael Jackson.

Q: What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?A: Little Boy Blew.

Lisa Maries Divorce Allegations Against Michael JacksonWouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with her during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland.Refused her pleas for separate make-up...

Q: What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he popped her the question?A: "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing... NO KIDS!"

Q: How will MJ pay off his old boyfriends?A: Liquefy some assets.

Q: Who will Michael record his next album with?A: Les Brown.

What is the difference between leeches and the paparazzi?Leeches fall off after you die.

Why did Lady Di go and die?She wanted to be the first to try on the Versace Summer 98 Collection.

What do Lady Di and Pink Floyd have in common?Their last greatest hit was the WALL.

Why does Kevin Costner want Princess Di in his next movie?He thinks she'll be a smash hit.

Q. What will it take to bring the Kennedy family back together?A. One more mishap!

Do you hear about the new business association between Nike and Mercedes? The slogan will be: "Just Di it".

Did you know Elton John sang a song at Dodi's funeral?Goodbye Fellow Prick Dod.

What's the difference between Elton John and Princess Diana?One's composing, the other is decomposing.Or...... Princess Diana never became a queen of England.

Q. Did you hear about the latest JFK Jr. movie?A. Its called Three Funerals and a Wedding.