Why was Lady Di's death a tragedy?Because the rest of the Royal Family wasn't in the back of the car with her.

Q. What did Saddam say when he came out of his hole?A. Did I beat David Blaine?

What's Diana and a tampon got in common?They both go in dark holes and come out red.

Did you hear that three paparazzi died in a tunnel the other day?They were being chased by Danii Minogue.

Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.

What was Diana wearing the night of her crash?Crushed velvet.

Why did the Poms want to cremate Di?That way they finally get to keep the ashes!

Q: What's Michael's favorite dish?A: Creamed shrimp.

Why couldn't the paparazzi develop the crash photos?Cos there was bloody Di all over them.

Why was Princess Diana so thin?Crash diet.

Q: What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?A: Michael's been able to have kids.

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he...

Why wouldn´t you want to buy any computer hardware at Harrod´s?Their drivers are crash-prone!

What happened to the fairy Princess when the clock struck twelve?She turned into a pillar!

Q. What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair....and O.J walked!

Q: What's Michael Jackson's Chinese name?A: Melikeemyoung.

: How do we know Michael Jackson isn't really a virgin?A: He's got children out the ass.

Q. What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?A. "Not according to Dad."

What was Diana's last word?Cheese !!!

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?A. Charley Weaver: "My sense of decency."