A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told...

Andy the humble Crab and Suzie the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Suzie scuttled over to Andy in...

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight Vigil   by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.    Her praying roused him...

 A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.  "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."  "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. The bartender...

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him...

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr.Schwartz, who was about to be...

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally...

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.  ...

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow." The father thought some and said, "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to...

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish.A man was walking by and said, "WOW!! What a nice Gauddam Fish!" The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain."...

01. -You've got a hole in your head. 02. -Your master strangles you all the time. 03. -Your head is smaller than the rest of you 04. -You shrink in cold water. 05. -You never get a haircut....

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin. What?" said the puzzled groom. "How...

One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that...

A man was speeding, going about 95 mph down the highway, when he was pulled over by the state police. The Statie, being in a good mood for once, decided to give the guy a break, if the driver...

A very happy duck walks into a bar. Barman: Why are you so happy? Duck1: Its been raining, its been great, I've been in and out of puddles all day. A second happy duck walks into a bar Barman:...

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY ~~~~~ DAY 180 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am- OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am- OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY...

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife. "See if they fit." "They don't." "Now you see who will wear the pants in this...

A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. ''Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.'' ''Tell all of your sins, my daughter.'' ''Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend...

A nun is talking with her Mother Superior. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the Mother Superior....