A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out."Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries...

Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?To get to the other side...er, no �to go shopping...no, not that either...

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking. The first says, "I'm so hard, once ate a whole bag full of rat poison!"The second says, "Well I'm so hard, once I was caught in a rat trap and I gnawed it...

What's got two legs, hair, and bleeds?Answer: Half a dog

Why did Diana and Charles get divorced?They had a fight over who wore the skirt in the family.

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met. 2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of...

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it?The horses name is Friday

Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?Because he thought it was a game.

Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?Because he didn't want to fall into the hot chocolate.

Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

Did you hear about the moron who went elephant hunting?He got a hernia carrying the decoys.

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?Because it was dead.

Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.

A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop.The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."So the duck left.The following day the duck went back and asked...

What do you call an illegally parked frog?Toad

What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?Ruff!

Q: Why couldn’t the cat speak?A: The dog taped his mouth.

Well you aren't suppose to!! When you tell this to a friend get some people to laugh when you say the joke, so the friend looks stupid when they don't get it.Sometimes they will say they get it but...

You might be a redneck if you've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately!

FEUDALISM:You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM:You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care...