What do you call a cow with a twitch?Beef Jerky!

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate....

A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes of condoms.The store clerk asks the man,"What do you do with all of those?"The guy replies,"I taught my dog to swallow them and now he shits in...

What are the two things a cat is good for?Altitude and distance!

As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant:First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant.Fill the hole with ashes.Line the hole with...

Q: What happened when Snoopy found out his girl cheated on him?A: He bitch-slapped her.

In a pod of whales, how can you tell which one is gay? He's the one that tips the boat and sucks out the 'seamen!'

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar.Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs.There was...

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife...

Q: What do you call a blind deer?A: A no-eyed deer (say it out loud)Q: What do you call a blind deer with no legs?A: A still no-eyed deer.

The sky was darkThe moon was highWe were aloneJust she and IHer hair was brownHer eyes were tooI knew just whatShe wanted to doSo with my courageI did my bestAnd placed my handUpon her breastI...

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created."What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself....

Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl?A: He got pissed off.

What's the easiest way to put a giraffe in a fridge?By opening the door and putting it in.

Q: What do you call a story told by a giraffe?A: A tall tale!

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his...

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved....

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite...

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start having a few quiet drinks.As the night goes on, they get pretty drunk.The giraffe finally passes out near the pool tables and the man decides to...

What did the horse say when he fell?“I've fallen and I can't giddy up!â�