One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he...

A man goes into a bar and sits at a booth in a dark corner. A few minutes later 3 other men follow. They sit down at the bar. The first man says, "I'm so thirsty, I could drink a...

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."...

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair. She loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed in the long corridors. Because the poor woman...

Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, generally 35 children are enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college....

A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to...

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are all about to be shot by a firing squad. The redhead goes out first and stands in front of them. Right before they shoot, the redhead screams,...

Yo momma's so old, her memories are in black and white!

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?...

Why do gorillas have big noses? Because they have big fingers!!!

A mother was driving her kids to school one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties....

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket. "How can...

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She...

Yo mama's so fat, when she walks by the television set you miss three episodes.

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand...

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to...

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave!

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl...

In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples....

Two doctors opened an office in a small town. They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town council was not too happy with the sign, so...