Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening there and always arrive home, well inebriated, around midnight each night. He usually had...

Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says, "What are we going to...

Why do black widow spiders kill the males after mating?To stop the snoring before it starts.

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the...

A ghost walks into a bar at midnight, and asks the bartender for a Whisky.The bartender says " Sorry we don't serve spirits after 11"

How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until the room spins.This really drunk guy walks up to a parking meter and puts in a quarter....

One day a string was walking down the street. He was really thirsty and decided to get a drink at a nearby bar. So he walks up to the bar tender and says, "I'd like a beer, please." The bartender...

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub.The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home.The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls.He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him...

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?â� he...

What is a Zebra?A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.

Yo mama is so small that she plays handball on the curb.

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her...

Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?So the sheep push back harder

Two little skunks called In and Out were playing in the woods.Out went home, and his mother said, “Where’s In? Go and get him, there’s a good...

Two fleas were walking out of the cinema when they discovered it was raining hard."Shall we walk?" said one flea."No," said the other, " lets take a dog.

Every day two blonde women would come out of work together and look for their car.But all the cars in the lot looked the same, so they sat around until all the cars were gone and then they would...

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of nowhere sat a lonely bartender in an empty bar. As he was getting ready to close down, three ducks walked through the front doors. They waddled on...

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?Because he was tied to the second monkey.

What's the odd one out?1) A lobster2) a whale3) a guy that's been hit by a bus?The whale -- the other two are both crustaceans.