A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?""No."A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg."I thought you said your dog...

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic.As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the...

A penguin was driving his car down the highway when steam began to pour out of the hood.He pulled into a repair shop and asked the mechanic to fix his car. The man said to come back in half an...

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump,...

A man walking his son in the park one day came upon two dogs humpin' The son turns to his dad and asks, “Dad what are those dogs doing?â� The dad says, “Son...

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon trail when he was captured by a group of ruthless banditos, intent on killing him.But in their drunkenness, they decided to go easy on him and...

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter."That will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it,"...

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.The old explorer...

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and...

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.2. They rarely listen to you.3. They're totally unpredictable.4. They whine when they are not happy.5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.6....

One day, a farmer walked into a bar and asked the bartender for the strongest thing in the bar."What's wrong, fella?" asked the bartender.''Some things you just can't explain."''Try me.''"Okay. I...

What did the snail say on the tortoise's back?"Weeeeeeeeeee!"

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?To keep his nuts warm!

What do a walrus and tupperware have in common?They both like a tight seal!

What did one duck say to the other?What?"Social Security!"I don't get it.You won't till you're 65...

Private Atkins joins the French Foreign Legion and is stationed at a remote outpost in the North African desert. After several weeks in barracks he feels a yearning for female companionship.He...

Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea?A: Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your...

What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?Roast chicken!

I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins laying down in the sun.I let my talking cats out and the kitten said to her mom, ''I'm hungry!''So the mother cat said, ''What would you like?''...