A little boy was watching a handyman at work on the upper story of a house. Suddenly the man drops a hammer, and comes down the ladder to retrieve it. The little boy calls out, "My daddy...

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'' ''No. You had your chance.'' A minute later the boy screamed...

Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called, Sosumi.

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds...

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?" "Yes," the grandpa replied. "Did God make you too?" "Yes," the grandpa...

The sky was dark the moon was high all alone just her and I Her hair was so soft Her eyes so blue I knew just what she wanted to do her skin so soft her legs so fine I ran my...

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer: What's 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! Officer: What's the square...

Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One blonde said to her friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." ...

How many blonde jokes are there? One. The rest are all true stories.

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer.The bartender says,"I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends.A...

A man comes in to the room and says to his wife,"I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on." The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies,"Does that mean that you are taking me...

After a long day a sailor enters a bar, and noticed a pirate sitting at the bar.The pirate has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch.So the sailor walks over to the pirate and says,...

This guy was having a drink in a bar. It didn't escape his notice that the bartender was a very sexy lady.She came over to chat for a bit and he said,"I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I...

Phil had just joined a club after his friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time). They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled "21" and there was a small...

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff.The first guy says to the other guys"You know, if had just one more beer, I reckon I could fly."The second guy says "No Way!"So the first guy orders a...

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer.After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for...

After years of arguing over her husbands drinking problem, she finally warns him that she will leave him if comes home drunk one more time. The very next day, the husband has a really hard day of...

1. "Excuse Me." (male to male)(Get the hell out of the way.) 2. "Excuse Me." (male to female)(I am going to grope you now.)3. "Excuse Me." (female to male)(Don't even think about groping me, just...

A dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool and puts his front paws on the bar.He looks the bartender right in the eye and says,"Hey, guess what? I'm a talking dog. Have you ever seen a...

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them.Then he grabs...