What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?Burgers and flies.

One day, snake, turtle and centipede are having a party.After two cases of beer are gone, they want to go get some more beers.So they discuss who's going to go get the beers.The turtle says, "I...

"I hope I'm not poisonous," said the first snake."Why?" asked the second."Because I just bit my lip."

Why are fish so smart?Because they live in schools!

Why don't rabbits make noise when they're making love?Because they have cotton balls!

What do you call a West Virginian which a sheep under each arm?A pimp!

Diner: "Do you serve chicken here?"Waiter: "We serve anyone sir."

Why do seagulls live by the sea?Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees a man with a brick tied to a dog leash.He decides to go and humor him. He walks up to the man and says, ''Hello, sir, I like your dog!''The man...

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years and the farmer figured getting a new rooster...

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.The idea...

I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat. Sorry...

Johnny's teacher asked the class how their weekends were."Horrible," said Johnny. "A car hit my cat in the ass!""Rectum," said the teacher. "Say rectum.""Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!" Red...

A rabbit hops into a butchers' shop and says"have you got any cabbages?".The butcher says that he doesn't sell cabbages and the rabbit hops off.The next day the same rabbit hops into the same...

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.The next morning, they find an entire field full of...

What do polar bears have that no other animal has?Polar bear babies.

Q: How do you trap a polar bear?A: You cut a hole in the ice. Line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pee, you kick him in the icehole.

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? 'Cause he was dead!

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that humans are not only "as innovative as they are cruel," but pretty vain as well.* Wahlberg's neglect in removing his shirt through the entire film...

A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving up the same road.As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "Pig!"The man immediately leans out his...