=========PART 1============= Two Newfies walk into a pet shop. They go directly over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah,...

What can a bird do that a man can't?Eat with his pecker!

A city bloke was holidaying at a merino stud.The farmer he was staying with said, 'It's a beautiful morning. Why not take the dogs and do a bit of shooting?' 'Great! Thanks.' At lunch the farmer...

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door."An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply...

More than anything, my brother-in-law wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance."This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use...

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.He slides up to the bar and says:"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Q: What do you call an Octopus with no legs?A: A puss.

A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner �to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.While removing some...

Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man?A: How do you drink water with that?

Why do bees hum?Because they don't know the words.

Why did the rabbit cross the road?Because the chicken retired and moved to Florida.

Three agricultural scientists were determined to discover how much a pig could eat before it just had to take a shit. To this end they procured a Yorkshire sow and pushed a large cork into her...

"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?""No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."

One day this little girl's dad came home and she runs up to him. "Daddy, the cat died today!""Well, darling," said the dad. "That's just something that happens.""But why are his arms and legs up in...

A man who worked in a cruise liner as a magician had a parrot and every time the man did a trick the parrot yelled, “it’s in the pocket,â�...

Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?A: You mean there IS a difference?

A man has a racehorse, never won a race.Man in disgust says,â� Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the...

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit...

This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted.The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little S's painted all...

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?A carrot!