Q. True or False - A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.A. George Gobel: "Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes."

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?Drumsticks for everybody!

Q: Why are frogs so happy?A: They eat whatever bugs them!

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor complaining that he can't get any women.The doctor says, 'Well, I can't help you, but I know a witchdoctor who can'. So the man goes to see the...

What does a 400 pound parrot say?Polly wants a cracker, NOW!!!!!

What looks like an elephant, and can fly?A flying elephant.

Just after the maid had been fired.She took five bucks from her purse, she threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was...

SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play.I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and...

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side the road, beside his car. He was amazed to see that the chicken was keeping up with him. Glancing down at his...

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was...

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?So they can hide in cherry trees.Have you seen an elephant in a cherry tree?See it works!

Why do elephants drink so much?To try to forget.

Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5 p.m?Because elephants jump out of trees after 5 p.m.Why do beavers have flat tails?Because they go in the jungle after 5 p.m!

Why are elephants so wrinkly?Have you ever tried to iron one?

What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?Sir.

How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?Two sets of footprints in the butter.

How do you make an elephant fly?Well, you start with a zipper about a yard long...

What do you call an Elephant crossed with a Rhino?Hellifino.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?''It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?''

What looks like an elephant and is dangerous?An elephant with a machine gun!