Why did the kid walk backwards to school? Because it was back to school day!

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger. "You misunderstood my...

Tonto and the Lone Ranger were lost on the prairie one day. The Lone Ranger, says to Tonto, "Use your Indian instincts and get us out of this mess." Tonto bends down and puts his ear to...

Yo momma so stupid that she forgot where she parked her car in an empty parking lot!

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's...

A Unitarian Universalist walks into a fabric store and asks the clerk for nine yards of material. The clerk asks, "What are you going to make?" The UU says, "I'm making a nightgown...

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "dam".

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. "Sidney thought of everything," she told...

A man was enjoying a pleasant afternoon of golf. On the 15th hole, he drove his ball to the right of the fairway into a patch of buttercups. As he neared the ball, he heard a small voice say,...

Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste ; shirt front is wet. Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution : Buy another pint...

Goldie, a middle aged Jewish woman goes to see a fortune-teller. "Two men are madly in love with me!" Goldie says. "Who will be the lucky one?" The swami...

Yo mama's so skinny, when she wears stripped PJ's there's only 2 stripes.

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every...

A blonde is on the road when suddenly she gets a phonecall from her friend: "Watch out! I heard on the radio that some lunatic is going against traffic!" So the blonde says, "Only...

A blond is speeding down a highway and gets pulled over by a police officer. He asks to her driver's liscence. After getting one of those classic blond stares, he explains, "That square thing...

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know...

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in...

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed,...

FRIEND: You don't look so good, what's wrong? HARRY: I got domestic trouble. FRIEND: But Harry you always said your wife was a pearl. HARRY: Yeah its the mother of pearl that's the problem.

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids...