A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite...

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, a cell phone for their first anniversary. Susie was excited about the phone and the next day, while shopping, it rang and to her...

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the...

A manager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's...

2 women were playing golf. On the third hole there was a 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway. The first woman said i'll tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of...

You know what would have happened if there had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise MEN, don't you? The three wise WOMEN would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver...

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the...

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. ...

Farmer Brown and his wife were working in the field one day about dusk. As they were heading back to the house they saw a bunch of strange lights way out in the field. Upon ariving Farmer Brown and...

A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre-views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms. When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the...

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I...

Two blondes were sitting enjoying a view of the full moon. The first blonde says; "I wonder which is further away? The moon or Florida?" The second blonde replies; "Well,...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer...

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are...

Yo mama is so black, someone shot a bullet at her and the bullet came back and said I need a flashlight.

A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer. When the first golfer gets to his ball he is greeted by his...

Dear __________________________,     I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right.  As you are probably aware, the competition was...

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on...

A little girl learned in school, that instead of words, pictures and symbols would be drawn to indicate something if words weren't understood. Later that day, she needed to go into the...

Additional quotes made by physicians in actual medical records: 1. Discharge status: alive but without permission. 2. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983....