Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street togetherwhen they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk of...

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write - and they won't let me talk!" ...

A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. 'I feel tired all the time,' he slurs, 'My head hurts, I've got a sore bum, and I'm not sleeping. What is it doc?' Frowning the...

What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.

Q: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after they are born? A: It knocks the penises off of the dumb ones.

A man wanted a big, ferocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most...

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously, it won't work -- and both are expensive.

I play in the low 80's. If it is hotter than that, I won't play.

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. He was already...

"Can I help you" the madam asked? "I want Natalie," the elderly man replied. "Sir, Natalie is our most expensive lady, perhaps someone else..." ...

Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?" "Yes, Bubba, that is...

The long term implications of drug research and medical procedures must be fully considered. Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is...

What is a cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they...

Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer day. Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a...

A little boy asked his mother: Mummy, why are you white and I am black? Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don't bark.

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there. ''Why?'' he asks. St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a...

Legendary football announcer Keith Jackson was in Texas to announce a college football game when he noticed a special telephone near the Longhorn's bench. He asked a nearby Texas player what it was...

Little Leroy was at home doing his Math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine". In that moment, his...

I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU... I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU... I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN. I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY... BEG FOR ME TO...

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The...