What kind of pillar can't hold up a building?A caterpillar!

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?""That's...

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on the coast.Every day she and the dog would take a stroll along the beach. One day she stumbled across a bottle. She rubbed the bottle and a genie...

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head."Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper.""What for? He must be half-a-mile away by...

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started...

Did you hear Clinton announced a new national bird?The spread eagle!

3 bums were outside a bar.The first one went in and asked for a fork.The second one went in and also asked for a fork.Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender...

Why did the moron throw the butter out the window?He wanted to see a butterfly.

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, ''I'll have that monkey please''.The shopkeeper...

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of...

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died."You know," Mom said, "it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time...

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday.During the party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming...

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the...

Q: What happens when Michael talks about sex?A: It's all very tongue in cheek.

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a trim before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.''I'm...

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold back alleys, where...

What do you call a dog that hears voices?A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?""My...

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he''s dead.

There once was a lion, whose best friend was a turkey.There was a great famine and the lion was pretty hungry, so the turkey ate him and put him out of his misery.