1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while...

How do you get down from an elephant?You don't, you get down from a duck.

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife,...

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer.The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when...

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist and a Government Worker were bragging about how smart their dogs were.To show off, the Engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your...

What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?A mosquito can fly but a fly cannot mosquito.

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn''t eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn''t sure what to do with them. Then he had an...

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological...

Erica is walking out of a movie theatre at the same time as a man with a parrot on his shoulder.Erica turns to the man and says, "Your parrot actually seemed to understand the movie".It looked...

How do you fit five elephants into a Volkswagen?Two in in the front, Two in the back, and one in the boot.

How do you know if there is an elephant under your bed?Your nose is touching the ceiling.

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?Footprints in the butter.

How do you know if there are three elephants in your fridge?Can't get the fridge door closed.

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?Because he thought he was a monkey.

What is the difference between an elephant and a Greek grandmother?Ten pounds and a moustache.

Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little duck.A: If you don't behave, I'm gonna quack you one.

A drunk rabbit goes through a wood. He bumps into a tree, and says, "Oh, i'm sorry". He goes farther, and bumps into another tree, and says, "I'm sorry... i'm sorry..." Then he sits on the ground...

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969." The...

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side.So all the bats were honored to take part.The rules were simple. Whichever...

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?" Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."