yo mommas so fat when she stepped on the scale she said wow thats my phone number

In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?" Little Johnny raises his hand. "Go ahead, Little Johnny." "My uncle told me it's...

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

Sports Jargon is truly something else! The less you know about a sport, the better it sounds! 1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this...

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't...

If Men Were in Charge of Weddings There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger" rather than a "Rehearsal Dinner." Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter...

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and then...

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got...

The slick defense lawyer was drilling the star witness, in an attempt to ruffle the mans feathers, and secure his own case. He began egging him on. "You seem to have more than the average...

Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf? He chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap.

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so...

There is a story about a monastery perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by...

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Norfolk to Las Vegas. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big...

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll...

How many lawyers does it take to shingle the roof of a house? It depends on how thin you slice 'em.

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as...

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1. The DNA is all the same. 2. There are no dental records.

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty...

What does a blonde say when she loses her virginity? "So are you guys all on the same team?"

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid...