Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was...

Once there was a mom and a dad , they had a daughter called Angelica. So the dad was very thirsty because he had been driving a lot, so he asked his daughter "sweetheart can I have some of...

An American supply teacher came to a Canadian class one day. She told the students that she was an American and she asked if anyone else in the room was an American. Even though not many people in...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Mary led off:...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the...

1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all. 2. Yelling at me for barking...I AM DOG!! 3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while...

On a nightly stroll a blonde came across an office building. A sign said "Press bell for Watchman." She presses it and hears an old man coming down the stairs. He turns on the light,...

Joe walks out of a bar, swaying back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?" asks the cop. "Yes! Somebody stole...

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's...

Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for...

Bill and Ralph, both of equal ability, decide to have a round together and "play it as it lays" on all shots. Both hit their tee shots on the par-5 No.1 hole down the middle and about...

I'll go and ask if we can go through," said Max to Jerry. The two golfers had been concerned for some time at the snail-like progress of two women, originally some holes ahead and now just in...

A golfer hooks his drive into the woods to the left of the fairway. While looking for his ball he happens upon a leprechaun. The leprechaun asks him, "How's your round of golf is going?"...

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A start.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So...

SHAPING UP FOR A GOOD EXCUSE A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this...

It was a dark and stormy night in the small Newfoundland village when Jarge's wife suddenly went into labour. The doctor came to the house (no really!) and realized there was no time to get to the...

A man and his wife are in bed getting hot and heavy when the wife just pushes him away and says, "No, actually I don't feel like sex tonight. Could you just hold me?" The man very...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one...