A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found...

Q. In  Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say, "I love you"?A. Vincent Price: "No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty."

Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?A: Yeah, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the three-year-olds!

Q: What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?A: They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.

Q: What does Michael hand round after dinner?A: The under Eights.

A shepherd was herding his flocks in a remote pasture when suddenly abrand new Jeep Cherokee advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. Thedriver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban...

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what's the other?A. Paul Lynde: "Tape measures."

Q: How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. Michael Jackson only screws little boys!

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?A. Rose Marie: "No, wait until morning."

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?A. Paul Lynde: "Point and laugh."

Q: Why did Pepsi sign up Michael Jackson for their ads?A: Because he likes the taste of a new generation.

What's the difference between the paparazzi and Princess Di?The paparazzi dig for dirt, Di dug for gold.

Hear about the new Mercedes? It comes with two airbags and three bodybags.

What is the difference between Michigan State and Princess Di?Michigan State waits to get out of the tunnel to get killed.

Q. What makes Michael Jackson so unique?A. It's the little boy inside him.

Did you hear that Princess Diana was suffering from PMS? Pulverised Mercedes Syndrome.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Porsche? Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porsche! Or... ... a BMW... a Lada... etc.

Do you hear about the new business association between Nike and Mercedes? The slogan will be: "Just Di it".

Did you know Elton John sang a song at Dodi's funeral?Goodbye Fellow Prick Dod.

Q. Did you hear about the latest JFK Jr. movie?A. Its called Three Funerals and a Wedding.