Why do birds fly south for the winter?Because it's too far to walk.

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the...

Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?Because they are all PIGS!

Four animals a Snake, a Cock, a Cat and a Centipede, all heavy smokers, were playing cards together.When the cigarettes run out, the snake, the big brother, said, "Cock, go out and get some packs!...

Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?A. Wheeeee!!!!!

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have...

Did you hear about the snail that got beat up by two turtles?At the police station they asked him, “Did you get a good look at the turtles that did this?He said, “No,...

How do you stop a skunk from smelling?You hold his nose!

Why couldn't the skunk use her phone?It was out of odor!

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my...

Why did the second money fall out of the tree?Because he was dead.

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.So one day the wife went to the pet store...

Why was the rooster so unhappy?Because he only got laid once and it was by his mother.

George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order.''I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,'' answers the...

What's the difference between a regular toad and a horny toad?One says, ''Rib-it, rib-it,'' while the other says, ''Rub-it, rub-it.''

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a...

A couple was going out for the evening to celebrate the wife's birthday. While they were getting ready, the husband put the cat out. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home,...

A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem."Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem," the man said. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a...

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.The frog said to the princess, " I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on...

How do porcupines make love?Veerry carefully!