Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?Because he didn't want to be recognised!

Q: Why are anteaters so healthy?A: Because they are high on ant-i-bodies!

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck.The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table."This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of...

Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, “As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!â�The judge calmly replied, “He...

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five...

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was...

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?Answer: A lickalottapuss.

What's pink and spits?A cat in a frying pan.

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is...

A motorcycle cop sees a guy in a station wagon loaded with penguins.The cop, sensing something suspicious, immediately pulls the station wagon over. "You can't drive around with all those...

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"The owner says, "How about...

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'you have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'The cats says, 'Well, I...

What's the last thing that goes through a bee's mind when it hits a car windscreen at 70mph?It's arse.

A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking...

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker...

- You're less likely to be pestered by annoying sorority girls. - It doubles as a convenient TV tray for nachos and beer. - It's a great way to meet cute female cardiologists. - Extra...

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary...

An asteroid hits the speakers platform at a Seattle speakers conference center, and Al Gore, George W. Bush and Bill Gates all arrive at heaven at the same time. They are greeted by the Almighty,...

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen 2 When you get to the point where you really understand your computer,it's obsolete. 3. The first place to look...

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college...