Martha's Way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are...

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! If you don't open my door. I CAN DO ANYTHING A MAN CAN DO! But I don't have to. I AM NOT YOUR HOOKER! But you're still gonna pay. SEX IS A SPECIAL THING! And a...

A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll...

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you...

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee. And I can justify any, shopping spree. Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon. I can get a massage without a hard-on. I can balance the checkbook, I can...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. 'Cuz the cat had pounced on him and tore him apart- Ate his mousey intestines And...

 Dogs tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening'. It's yellow, NOT white - I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my...

clean Veterinarians have evening hours. Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie with its crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don't, you...

A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really ticked if...

A family was travelling on vacation when they came across a petting zoo. The children asked if they could stop, and the parents said okay. At the zoo, they saw and touched many animals and had...

... you refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litterbox." ... you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair. ... you consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber. ... you...

Once there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his father. Looking at his dad's hands, the boy says, "Papa, you do many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers." "Wella...

A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy. Having an ice cold beer makes you...

Who invented letters? Who invented A,B,C,D,E,..............Z  did a  great thing. But he kept U and I very very far. But I still got a place where U and I are very close........

Husband is missing A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years...

What are those things on your chest? Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask...

Watch out Everything You Do Not Use A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm...

To feel like a woman On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One...

Well, can you explain how to park the car there?